Mind, Body, Heart, Soul

Five foot two, one hundred and twenty-five pounds. Middle linebacker!! Has to have been the smallest middle linebacker in the history of mankind as a freshman in high school.

Before that it was climb anything I could find, ski things I had no right to ski. Later it was football, lacrosse, boxing. Too small, too slow. Next up it was 200 miles on two wheels in one day. No idea what I was doing, but it had to be done.

I have always been afraid, but never of a challenge, never of putting my body on the line. If my life depended on it, or more importantly my sisters' lives, my family, my friends, I would do anything. Not that long ago I was of the thought that I would buckle up my helmet tomorrow and run someone over, it would probably kill me, or at least leave my body in a heap, but I would do it.

I am afraid of everything now. I am afraid of just surviving, being free, not ever doing anything that matters before I die. I am afraid of dying, for the very first time in my life, before now it was not a possibility.

I need to try and find the guy that once upon a time broke out the "Snow Clown" for thousands of yards at a time, easily, gracefully, powerfully, just to make people smile, and because I could. I need to find the ability again to throw my body at whatever I want at 100 miles per hour. I would actually settle for being able to run reasonable distances again in a reasonable period of time. I am not saying I expect to ever get back to running 5ks in 22 minutes again but it would be nice if it didn’t take twice as long to run a mile as it used to.

This can't really be me!! I have to be inside this body somewhere!!