Irrelevant

I used to be relevant

At least I thought I was 

Occasionally I would even say things others wanted to hear 

Or so it seemed 

I made choices along the way that I’m not proud of 

And some that I wish I could take back 

But time travel is simply not a reality 

I didn’t know I was being selfish at the time 

I didn’t realize that choosing to move somewhere also meant moving away from somewhere – someone – everyone 

People and places matter 

As does time 

The pursuits were not relevant 

But I did not know 

Money – Beauty – Sex – Marriage – Kids – Big Wedding – Big House 

The more I wanted the less I had 

The constant pursuit garnered nothing of substance 

I didn’t know, how could I 

I couldn’t listen – didn't hear 

No one was speaking 

At least not a language I knew 

I stopped being the person the person I was meant to be – Mostly at least 

The things I loved – that fed my soul – ceased 

What was left was a shell – a shiny, fast, deaf shell 

The shell crashed, smashed, broke into a million little pieces 

Have been working since to repair 

But with many hurdles along the way 

I am not left with much aside from hope and sadness and regret 

At least now I feel – that is something 

The hope is that there is still something out there to enjoy 

The sadness is for all that has been lost – missed – and for all the needless, senseless pain in this world 

The regret is for not realizing – not understanding – what was truly important and for not considering the pain I was causing with the choices I made 

Perhaps I will be relevant again someday 

That doesn’t seem likely now – oh well